Cloudflare TV

Silicon Valley Squares

Presented by Dan Hollinger
Originally aired on 

A send up of Hollywood Squares where Cloudflare experts fill the celebrity squares and answer high and low-level Cloudflare questions to help two guest stars (customers, AEs or new hires) get a a tic-tac-toe, or possibly the Silicon Valley equivalent - a TCP handshake (SYN, SYN-ACK, ACK)


Transcript (Beta)

Hello, hello. Welcome to yet another episode of Silicon Valley Squares, the most popular game show on Cloudflare TV.

If you haven't caught this show before, welcome.

Whether you're catching the live stream or one of the many reruns, welcome and we look forward to entertaining you today with a variety of holiday trivia.

That's right.

Today is our pixelated Silicon Valley Squares holiday spectacular.

We're going to have a good time.

We're going to ask about holiday and seasonal questions.

I'm your host, Dan Hollinger, broadcasting here from the Bavarian coast. And with me, I have an assortment of Cloudflare employees that I'm going to punish with some holiday trivia.

Now, if you're enjoying the show, I asked Santa for a like and subscribe button.

So as soon as those get implemented, you know, smash those, just go ahead and press them when they come out of the stocking or the tree or however that works.

So for those unfamiliar with how Silicon Valley Squares works, I have two contestants here, Jose and Eunice.

Both of them will be trying to get tic-tac-toe or knots and crosses on the board by asking my lovely guests here, my lovely squares, a variety of trivia questions.

And so with that, I want to kick things off and Jose, would you mind giving me a quick introduction?

Yeah, I'm just new at Cloudflare, just joined you in October.

And I'm based in Lisbon as a customer solution engineer.

Awesome. Glad to have you part of Cloudflare. And Eunice, would you mind giving a quick introduction?

Yeah, sure. I'm based in San Francisco, the Bay Area, and I'm with a brand team.

Awesome. Eunice, great to have you.

You can help me with some of my branding. I feel I'm all over the place. So if you can...

I see it. Yeah. Although I see, you know, this is one of our 100% production value episodes.

I see we got everyone with a background where we're doing pretty good.

So how are my squares feeling today? Excited. Yes. All right. We got excitement.

Do we have the holiday cheer? We need holiday cheer here. We're good.

All right. We can do better than that. Come on. One more. All right. That's better.

All right. So I think you have first pick of the board. Who would you like to start with?

Is it my turn?

Jose. My turn. All right. Let's start with Gabby. All right, Gabby. Regular of the squares, would you mind giving a quick introduction to all of your fans on Cloudflare TV?

Hi. Hi, everyone. I'm Gabby. I'm on the Cloudflare TV team and I'm based out of New York.

Awesome. Glad to have you again. Your question to kick off game one.

What popular holiday beverage is also known as milk punch? Oh, so I actually grew up drinking milk punch.

I would have it every holiday. And I would have to say it's milk and cookies together, blended.

Milk and cookies blended together.

Jose, do you agree or disagree with that answer? I agree totally with Gabby.

She must know. You agree totally. All right. Well, I have sorry news for you.

Milk punch is another name for egg nog. I'm sorry. So we're off to a lovely holiday start.

All right. So here with that wrong answer that went to Eunice.

Eunice, here's your chance to get a commanding lead in tic-tac-toe. Which square would you like to pick next?

Let's see.

I'm going to go with Alex. Yes. All right. Alex, our center square. Would you mind giving a quick introduction?

Yes. I'm Alex. I actually thought I was the newest person here until Jose introduced himself.

I started in July. So we're the newbies.

I'm with the brand team and Cloudflare TV. Awesome. So about that like and subscribe button.

Yeah, I know. I know. Well, yeah, we'll have a meeting. I should know someone.

Come on. Come on, Santa. Okay. Your question for game one. Okay.

The winter solstice is famous for being this. The winter solstice is famous for being.

I want to say the shortest day of the year. The shortest day of the year. Final answer.

All right. The shortest day of the year. Eunice, do you agree or disagree with that?

Well, that is true. But is that the reason for being famous? Um, isn't it because the sun is the weakest that day?

I don't. I'm not. I do have to say yes or no.

Right. You have to say yes or no. I'm going to have to say yes.

All right. It is. Yes. Because ultimately, those are the same answer. It's the shortest day of the year.

The we're at the farthest point in our rotation around the sun.

Okay. Here is the state of the board. Eunice, you're off to a commanding lead.

Jose, where would you like to play next?

I think your decision might be made for you. I only have one option, I guess.

Or not. Maybe not. Well, I'll take my chance. I'll go with Zaydoun.

All right. Zaydoun, welcome back to the squares. Happy to be back.

Good choice, Jose. I mean, I think you've been on here as like, second to me. You're either the Whoopi Goldberg or like, of the squares.

So I'm Zaydoun.

I'm on the cash team slash content delivery team here at Cloudflare. I'm working out of Canada.

It's very, very cold right now. All right. Zaydoun, your question.

How many ghosts ultimately visited Scrooge in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol?

Okay. This one, I'm sure of. It's the, we've got Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, Future, and Jacob, and I forget his last name.

So let's go with four. All right. Zaydoun is saying four.

Jose, do you agree or disagree? I trust Zaydoun's answer. All right.

Four is correct. He was visited by his partner, I think Bob Marley, and then Ghosts of Past, Present, and Future.

Awesome. So now it's still anyone's game. Here's the state of the board.

Eunice, where would you like to play next? I'm going to go with Peter.

All right. Peter, welcome to the squares. Great to be here, Dan.

All right. Where are you dialing in from? I'm dialing in from sunny San Francisco, California.

I am a professional square in my role here at Cloudflare, where I'm a solutions engineer.

So I thought I'd make it official. Oh, so you're used to being boxed in.

That's exactly right. Makes total sense. Well, welcome.

Your question, how many candles do you need to light in total to celebrate Hanukkah?

Oh, good one. Nine. One for each letter of the traditional spelling. All right.

Nine candles, one for each letter. Do you agree or disagree, Eunice? I'm going to have to disagree.

All right. Eunice with the disagreement, and that is correct.

You ultimately have to light 44 candles throughout all of Hanukkah. Peter, that smile got you.

All right. Let me get up the state of the board. And Eunice, it looks like you took over game one.

Congratulations. And what happens next is we find out that game one is brought to us by Comfort and Joy.

Awesome. So game one was brought to you by Comfort and Joy from everyone here at Cloudflare, the Silicon Valley Squares and CFTV team.

We wish everyone a happy holiday season filled with love, laughter, joy, family, friends, all of the good stuff.

And after that brief commercial break, it's on to game two.

New game. Anything can happen. Eunice, you get to kick us off.

What square would you like to begin with? Let's go with Angie.

All right. Angie, up in the upper right corner. Would you mind giving a quick introduction?

You are muted.

There we go. Yeah. Hi, everyone. My name is Angie. I'm based in Boston.

I'm a graphic designer. I'm part of the brand team at Cloudflare. Awesome. Happy to have you.

Your question to kick off game two. Mistletoe is technically a tree parasite.

True or false? I have one.

I don't know. I'll go with false.

All right.

Going with false. Eunice, do you agree or disagree? I agree. All right. That is incorrect.

The mistletoe is technically a tree parasite. How it got selected to...

I need to fire my producer. I don't have the notes on why it was selected as the kissing plant, but it is a tree parasite.

That's such a cute name for a parasite.

And I think it's poisonous, too. Yeah. Don't eat it. Just kiss it. Yeah.

They should have named it differently. Limited use poisonous plant. All right.

And so, with that, Jose takes the square. And let me bring up the state of the board.

So, Jose. I see we have quite a few squares that haven't been chosen.

All right.

I'll choose Kanzu now. All right. Kanzu, welcome to the... Would you mind giving a quick introduction?

Hey. That's me, right? Sorry. My name is Jansu. I'm based in Munich, in Germany.

And I'm a part of Cloudflare's support team. And I'm a security engineer.

Awesome. Sorry for saying your name wrong. Sorry. I couldn't understand, but it's...

Jansu, right? Yeah. Thank you. And you're dialing in from the Munich office, too?

You're on the Bavarian coast. Well, I'm currently in Frankfurt.

So, I'm a bit farther away from all the traditions. We all have skyscrapers here.

All right. Your question, kickoff game two, is Stink, Stank, Stunk.

Describe this classic Dr. Seuss Christmas scoundrel. Who is that scoundrel?

Well, okay. Looking at my outfit, I'd like to say myself, because I look like a Dr.

Seuss character right now. But right now, as we're approaching Christmas, might it be Grinch?

I'll go with Grinch. Going with the Grinch. Do you agree or disagree?

How can I not agree with Jansu? He must be like us. All right. Agree is correct.

We are talking about the one and only Grinch, lover of Christmas. Yeah.

Why aren't you talking about me, though? All right.

Here's the state of the board. Eunice, you get to pick next. It's already a tough game.

I know. Okay. How about Rory? All right. Rory, down at the bottom. Welcome to the squares.

Welcome back. Hey, thanks, Dan. My name is Rory. I'm working in the Cloudflare London office, and I am in the security team.

So do not click that link.

Please don't click that link. Just report it to cert. Don't click the link. What if it's like a really nice looking link, like super convincing?

But they want to see my friends.

They want any money. Just report it. Just report it. What if it's offering money?

I have a lot of Nigerian princes in my network, man. Well, hold on.

If it's money, click the link. Yeah, that's fine. No problem. Guaranteed real.

You heard it here. It's your PayPal account. It's your PayPal account. Cloudflare security says click the link.

All right. Your question, Rory. This holiday, whose name stems from a phrase meaning first fruits, first began in 1966.

Which holiday are we referring to? Interesting. First fruits. Well, in London, we've been having mince pies today because it's December and we love mince pies.

They're fruit pies that you put currants and raisins and all sorts of things.

So I think this is mince pie day. I think this is the answer to this question.

All right. Mince pie. Yeah, this one's really bad. I'm going to say I disagree.

Because you were just so good at explaining.

Although I have no idea. Disagree is correct.

We're talking about Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa is based off of a phrase meaning first fruits.

All right. But I want mince pie day to be real, though. So close.

So close. It's on the Cloudflare blog. We had mince pie day today in London.

Really? Awesome. Wow. I love that. So what you're telling me is that mince pie day is real.

It exists. Oh, yeah. I would Google Cloudflare blog mince pie day.

You will find all about the Cloudflare London tradition of mince pies. And we have to rate mince pies.

We buy them from different shops. And then we do a secret rating.

You try them and then you give them a mark out of 10. And there's a formula and Google it.

It's on the Cloudflare blog. Oh, so we're having the monster chef for our own then.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You heard it here first, folks.

December 7th, mince pie day. Celebrated everywhere mince pies are enjoyed.

All right.

Here is the state of the board. Jose, where would you like to play next? Oh, I think I'll go with Melissa.

Not making things too easy. All right. We always love a challenge here at Cloudflare.

Melissa, welcome to the squares.

Thank you. Thanks for having me. This is only my second week at Cloudflare. So I'm the head of technical program management for IT and engineering.

I'm excited to be here.

Awesome. Welcome. You're starting at a high note. That's what I try to publicize this to everybody.

Told everyone I'm going to be famous. I'm going to be on TV.

You got to watch it. So you've got more than six waters. Yeah. I mean, there's famous and then there's Cloudflare TV famous.

Right? That's the t -shirt.

Exactly. Exactly. All right, Melissa, your question. What happens every time a bell rings in the movie?

It's a wonderful life. Every time I buy, I haven't seen that movie in a really long time.

What happens? I think it's a Christmas wish comes true, right?

Isn't that what happens in that? That's my answer.

Are you asking or telling? Well, I was asking, but I have decided to be confident and say, I believe that a Christmas wish is granted.

I assumed it meant that you take the bell array from the kid.

Like that's what happens, but you're into it as well.

Mine seems to fit in the movie theme a little more. All right, Jose, you agree that a Christmas wish is made true every time a bell rings.

I have not seen the movie, so my guess is as good as Melissa's.

So let's go with Melissa's guess.

All right. Melissa's guess is incorrect. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.

Sorry, Jose. It's so close, but that's when an angel gets their wings.

All righty, here is the state of the board. It's two versus two.

Eunice, where would you like to play next? Okay, how about, how about, did everyone do one?

I think Alex has been unpicked. Or no, we got him in the beginning.

Alex again. So it's free board.

So that one. We have two Alex's. Yeah, the other Alex. This has happened.

This is an experience I've had all my life. There being multiple Alex's. So to distinguish between us, please refer to me by my last name, Ponting.

Alex P. Happy to respond to Ponting.

Or Emperor, if you prefer my formal title. Would you like to select Emperor Ponting?

Yes, please. Happy to answer any questions.

My name is Alex. I, along with Chonsu, am on the support team based in the United States, coming to you from the misty and cold Puget Sound coast.

Well, welcome to the squares.

We'll have to understand whether Rory or you have the worst weather, at least in this season.

It goes back and forth, I'm sure. It is, it is cold in London today.

It's getting down to freezing. So that's zero centigrade, 32 Fahrenheit.

So yeah, it's been cold. Thank you for that translation. Please don't encourage us in the United States to continue using Fahrenheit.

I used to be a science teacher, so I want everyone to use Celsius.

Watch for me. We can do it in Kelvin as well, if you want.

Oh, that would be, that would be fantastic. It's a balmy 273 today in London.

All right, Emperor Ponting, your question. Stolen is the traditional fruitcake of which country?

Ooh, tough one, tough one. I'm not a big fan of fruitcakes myself.

Uh, but I see Chansu gesturing at herself, which I'm sure was not intended as a hint in any way.

A pardon? I was just scratching myself.

Yeah, we don't have phone a square on this thing. Well, in a complete, you know, my completely unbiased answer is that it's the traditional fruitcake of Germany.

All right, Alex, Emperor Ponting is saying Germany. Do you agree or disagree?

I agree. All right, agree is correct. It is the traditional fruitcake of Germany.

I have yet to have it. So one of these, one of these times, maybe at the Christmas market, I'll go stop by and pick up some, some stolen.

Well, I'll soon be visiting the London office, so I might bring some treats with me as well.

Oh, that sounds good. Oh, good. Jealous. Awesome. This is not fair. Yeah, absolutely.

And, and Glühwein, uh, mulled wine and, and all, and eggnog, we had, we had eggnog before everything.

Do you mean our favorite milk punch? Oh, I'm sorry.

Milk punch. Yeah, that's right. All right, Jose, where, um, where would you like to play next?

All right, let's go to Gabby. All right, Gabby for the win. No, no pressure, pressure, right?

Gabby, your question for game two. What is the name of the spinning top toy associated with Hanukkah?

Uh, so I am going to say it's, uh, dreidel.

I'm pretty, pretty sure it's dreidel. Yeah, dreidel. Jose, pressure's on, agree or disagree?

If Gabby is sure, I'm sure also. All right, well, that is correct.

It is a dreidel. So you sweep game two. Thank you, Gabby.

Awesome. All right, so here's the state of the board. Jose took the top three.

Um, we have time for about one more question in, uh, game three. So we'll, we'll go ahead and get that rolling.

But first, as always, a word from our sponsor. Um, game two was brought to you by Cloudflare One, which allows you to simplify your network infrastructure with unified security and access architecture with Cloudflare.

Uh, access gateway, magic transit, you know, let's get sassy this holiday season.

Nice. Why can't I buy it? I mean, if you're already on Cloudflare TV, you can go to

Like, all right. With that game three, we'll take one question.

And Jose, you can kick us off. Who would you like to bestow the gift of a Silicon Valley Squares trivia question to?

Okay, let's start with Peter now.

All right, Peter, your question. Oh, I gotta scroll down. You're making me scroll.

All right, Peter, your question. Thailand celebrates Songkran, a multi-day water fight to celebrate this holiday.

What holiday is being celebrated? Yes, I believe that this has been the more pacified version of Black Friday.

Specifically the shopping part.

Everyone just gets the squirt guns out. Exactly. This is the way to celebrate.

Get your water pistols and water balloons and soak your neighbors and go buy stuff.

All right, so Black Friday. Jose, do you agree or disagree?

You shouldn't be asking me that. I always agree. All right, that is incorrect.

They celebrate New Year's with a multi-day water gun fight.

That's okay, Peter. No problem. So apparently the name of the holiday comes from a Sanskrit word that means transformation.

All right, so Eunice takes the square.

I think we're going to eke out one more question and we'll call it an evening.

Eunice, where would you like to play next? How about Rory again?

All right, Rory again. I should bring up the squares and I'll go find Rory.

Rory, your question is what is the best-selling Christmas song ever?

Oh, that is a good question. I mean, surely it's got to be Mariah Carey going, all I want for Christmas is you.

But that only came out about 20 years ago. So best -selling ever would be, that's more complicated.

Ooh, something old. Last Christmas I gave you my heart.

And no, that's 80s. This is not a karaoke show, Rory.

I think I have to go like, okay, I may well be wrong. Way out here. Let's go Bing Crosby with White Christmas.

Because that's probably old and it's probably got forever like plays on Spotify and stuff.

All right, Bing Crosby, White Christmas.

Do you agree or disagree? No, all I want for his Christmas. That's it, Mariah Carey.

All right, you're going with Mariah Carey. He was actually correct. It is Bing Crosby.

No. All right. It's been around for years. Whose chart is it? All right, with that, we'll wrap up game three.

And as we get into the holiday season, Squares, I'd like to thank you all for joining me on this wonderful adventure.

Everyone watching at home, whether the rerun or the live stream, thank you for joining us.

And hopefully you had a good time and learned a little bit more about this holiday season.

Yep, there's the state of game three. And because it's Christmas, we're not going to have an advertiser for game three.

Talk to my producer.

We're good, we're good. Trying to get away from the commercialization of Christmas here.


All right. With that, thank you, everyone. And happy holidays. And till next Squares.

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Silicon Valley Squares
A send up of Hollywood Squares where Cloudflare experts fill the celebrity squares and answer high and low-level Cloudflare questions to help two guest stars (customers, AEs or new hires) get a a tic-tac-toe, or possibly the Silicon Valley equivalent...
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