Cloudflare TV

Silicon Valley Squares

Presented by Dan Hollinger
Originally aired on 

A send up of Hollywood Squares where Cloudflare experts fill the celebrity squares and answer high and low-level Cloudflare questions to help two guest stars (customers, AEs or new hires) get a a tic-tac-toe, or possibly the Silicon Valley equivalent - a TCP handshake (SYN, SYN-ACK, ACK)

Game Shows

Transcript (Beta)

Hello, hello. Welcome everyone to yet another episode of Silicon Valley Squares. We have not been canceled yet.

And with me today, I have the marketing team and marketing adjacent affiliates.

If you've never caught this show, this is Cloudflare presenting Silicon Valley Squares.

The gist of it is I have two guests here, Brian and Roshni.

Each of them will be trying to get a tic-tac-toe amongst our guest squares.

What that means is three across, three down, or three diagonal. And hopefully we have a lot of fun in the process.

So today being a December show, we'll cover some holiday trivia.

So hopefully these are things everyone knows or can pretend to know, and we'll have ourselves a good time.

So with this, I'll bring up the board and ask Roshni, do you mind giving a quick introduction of yourself?

Sure. My name is Roshni Hundle and I'm gray clouded now. So no longer at Cloudflare, but was there for almost six years.

I'm currently at Rudderstack leading the people and recruiting function.

Excited to be here today. Awesome.

And Brian, how about yourself? Hi everyone. My name is Brian. I was also at Cloud for just under four years, a little closer to three.

And now I'm over at Twilio.

I'm a principal solutions engineer on the IoT team. Awesome. Well, glad to have you both.

And, you know, you're friendly enough to join us here on our game show.

Excited to be here. Awesome. Well, to kick things off, as I said, I think Roshni has first pick, so I'll bring up the board.

Roshni, where would you like to play first?

Let's start with Jaylee in the top corner. All right. Jaylee in the top corner.

Welcome to the squares. All right, so.

The question I have. Yeah, Jay, welcome to the squares. Would you mind giving a quick introduction of yourself for all of your Cloudflare fans?

Yeah, totally, totally.

I'm Jay. I am on the Web Optimization team. I love A.V. testing and very happy to be on the squares and I hope we win.

Awesome. Well, great to have you here.

Your question to kick off game one is Takanakui is a festival held on December 25th in this South American nation.

Which nation? So the nation I'm thinking of starts with a consonant or a vowel and perhaps ends in guay.

I have heard that it is probably south of Mexico, but also above Antarctica.

And that's really all I have for you. So good luck. Geography is not your strong suit, is it?

I will say it is not my strong suit. All right. Is that your final answer?

Would you like to give a give a good chance or a good good guess? It may start with a para and end with guay.

So. That may also or may also not be it.

All right. Roshni, do you agree or disagree with Paraguay? I think I disagree.

Disagree. That is correct. It is Peru. So with that, Roshni gets first X on the board.

I'll go ahead and bring up the board once again. And Brian, where would you like to play next?

I'm going to go Kristen. All right, Christian, welcome to the Squares.

Where are you dialing in from? I am dialing in from San Francisco. I am a creative project manager on the brand design team, and I used to be Jake's EA on the marketing team.

So I've been here for three years and I'm happy to be here.

So thanks, Roshni and Brian. Awesome. Does that mean you have to get creative with your projects?

I do. I have to get very creative with my projects every day.

All right. Well, great to have you here. And this should be a nice creative question for those that they're out of the loop on this tradition.

Your question, Spoon Licker and Door Slammer are just two of the mischievous visitors known as the Yule Lads in this country.

So the Yule... So Spoon Licker and Door Slammer are actually my buddies.

So that's the U.S. So that's my final answer. All right.

The Yule Lads are a U.S. tradition. Brian, do you agree or disagree? You know, I would disagree about five years ago, but things have been getting pretty interesting.

But I am going to disagree. All right. That wasn't one of your traditions growing up.

I, you know, every now and actually I actually had yogurt for breakfast.

I was a Spoon Licker, but no, no. All right. Well, the correct answer is Iceland.

The Yule Lads are a tradition in Iceland where there are 13 mischievous elves that, you know, do various things such as Spoon Licking and Door Slamming during the December holidays.

All right. So we've got an even board. Roshni, where would you like to play next?

Let's go with Jake next. All right, Jake, our center square.

Welcome. Glad to have you here on the show. Great to be here. Very, very, very exciting times.

So excited, excited to be in the middle square and excited to deliver the correct answer for you.

Awesome. And for those that don't know you on Cloudflare TV or, you know, your greater celebrity, would you mind giving a quick introduction?

Absolutely. So I lead marketing here at Cloudflare, and it's been absolutely wonderful.

We have a great team, as you can see everyone here, and we're continuing, continually hiring great people on the team.

So anyone watching this, we'd love to have you join our marketing team.

We're always recruiting top talent.

So that's why I'm excited to be here. All right. That's your one plug, OK?

It's my one plug. Sorry, I couldn't resist. All right. No worries. I mean, we've got to keep up the tradition.

That's how they did it on the old show. OK, your question for game one is actually very timely.

December 7th marks a holiday dedicated to this sweet, sugary candy, also known as fairy floss.

Oh, that's very easy that that answer.

It's, you know, you think about floss. It could be like licorice would be a candy that could be invented on December 7th.

Or I've heard of floss referring to cotton candy as well.

So I think it's one of the two, because you'd only recognize older traditional candy.

So I think either licorice or cotton candy.

And I'm going to go and say cotton candy would be invented on December 7th.

All right. Cotton candy. Roshni, do you agree or disagree? Sounds about right to me.

I would go with that, too. So I agree. All right. So Cotton Candy Day is correct and celebrated on December 7th.

Way to go, Roshni. Well done. So so if anyone has any cotton candy, you know, happy to share.

The thing is, Dan, that doesn't seem very holiday related.

I don't think of cotton candy when I think about the holidays.

It's an interesting question for this game. Well, then you're you're holidaying wrong.

Evidently, yes.

You just need more cotton candy in your life. I guess that's a good, very good point.

All right. And with that, we're two to one. Brian, where would you like to play next?

Oh, man, that that's underscored. Well, there's only one place I can play unless we want to make this very short.

I'll do a mitt. All right. A mitt for the block.

Welcome to the squares. A mitt. Would you mind giving a quick introduction?

Sure. Hi, I'm Amit. I'm part of the of the marketing team here.

I lead our expansion marketing and I'm based out of Seattle, Washington. Awesome.

Is it raining there yet? Is that a real question? That is not the question for the game.

It is raining indeed. If you ask me that question for the next 180 days, the answer will be yes.

All right. Well, it is a lovely segue into the next question.

So Thailand celebrates Songkran, a multi-day water fight to celebrate this holiday.

I think we stumped them.

Wow. So is the question for me to guess the country which you already guessed?

No, which holiday? So which holiday is celebrated by Thailand with a multi-day water fight?

Oh, interesting. I know there are multiple countries in that region who keep doing these water fights.

I know in India, they also do that holiday for a few days.

Let me let me guess, does it start with an S?

Are you looking to phone a friend here?

I can't help you. I think it's like Songkran, something like that.

Songkran. Does that sound right? Songkran is the name of the celebration.

The celebration is for what holiday? Huh. I think you got me there.

If you can stump me, I mean, you can throw anything out there.

Just say the wrong thing and I'll just say false.

That'd be great. I'm just going to go with the celebration is it goes from the Hindu culture in Thailand, too.

I'm just going to say the Holi Festival.

All right. The Holi Festival. I don't know if I should dock you for that, you know, collaboration there.

You agree or disagree, Brian?

Man, this is going to be this is going to be one of those ones where I'm 100 percent not sure.

I. The Holi Festival, I mean, I guess this time of year is the holiest, right?


This is for the moderator, Dan. That's not the way this works at all. I asked the question.

What's up? The question is, does the answer given to me have to be in the native tongue or can it be a translation?

It can be a translation. Bodge.

OK, I'll say false. All right. False is correct. I was simply looking for New Year's.

They celebrate New Year's with a multi-day water fight called Songkran. All right.

So you have successfully gotten the block. We worked our way through that. So here's the state of the board.

Roshni, where would you like to play next? Tricky, tricky.

Let's go with Magda. All right. Magda in the upper left. Welcome to the squares.

Hi. Hi, everyone. I joined Cloudflare team last week, so this is my week two.

I'm going to be leading technology partnerships marketing. Awesome.

I like all of those words. Technology partnerships leading. Welcome. Welcome to Cloudflare and welcome to the squares and Cloudflare TV.

It's great to have you.

Your question is what is the name of the spinning top toy associated with Hanukkah?

You know, I love the fact that I get the easiest questions. It must be because I'm the new one.

No, I try to give Jake the easiest questions. It makes, you know, asking for raises easier.

Yes. So I'm going to go with Dreidel. All right, Dreidel.

Roshni, do you agree or disagree? I would have to agree with that for sure.

All right. Dreidel is correct. I'll bring up the board and we've got quite a competitive position there for you, Brian.

Wow. Yeah, I mean, I could just be a total martyr here and just, you know, pick the top middle, but I'm not going to do that.

I'm going to go for the easy win here. I'm going to, this is the kill shot.

I'm going to go for Martin. This is going to be a terrible question. I know it.

All right, Martin. Welcome to the squares. Thank you. I will endeavor not to screw up your path to victory, but I thought I might do it anyway.

All right, Martin.

And could you mind giving a quick introduction and the work you do here at Cloudflare?

Yeah, sure thing. So I'm based in San Francisco. I lead Cloudflare's content marketing team.

Awesome. Your question, potentially for a game one win. What is the best selling Christmas song ever?

I have a, I'm pretty sure I know the answer and I'm pretty sure that I don't like it because I will admit that I'm not a huge fan of this song.

And if I make any enemies by saying this, then I apologize. But I'm pretty sure that it's All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey.

All right.

All I want for Christmas is you. I think you should have to sing it. I agree. Yeah, you get extra squares.

I don't have any Internet problems. Sorry, I didn't hear that.

All right. You agree or disagree, Brian? I myself am a Mariah Carey fan, but I like the throwbacks to, like, you know, 90s, 2000s, you know, sweet fantasy, stuff like that.

But I will agree that this is 100% the best selling Christmas song ever.

All right. That is incorrect. What? Oh! Yeah. Crosby? It has been Crosby.

Oh, White Christmas. I think we just have a Mariah Carey hater over here.

All right. Hey, I don't make the questions. I just find them. All right. So actually, what that does is gives Roshni the square.

So I think our next play is pretty obvious.

No pressure. I wonder who she's going to pick. I don't know, but I think I'm going to go with Kate, it seems.

All right. Kate, welcome to the squares. Hey, happy to be here, Dan.

I'm from Texas. So they would say Merry Christmas, y'all.

Awesome to have you here. Would you mind giving a quick intro? Yeah, absolutely.

So I am fairly new here to Cloudflare and I lead our GSI partner marketing efforts.

Awesome. Well, great to have you. And I know I think I controlled you into jumping on the squares.

Well, I controlled everyone in here. But, you know, more so, I think we traded to get you on the squares.

Yeah, you for sure won that arm wrestle.

All right. Your question potentially wrap up game one. Since 1974 in this country, KFC chicken has become a time honored Christmas tradition with over three million orders taking place months in advance.

What country has that tradition?

Oh, this is a hard one. Being from Texas, I would say Texas, but some people would say Texas is just a state.

It's not a country. So are there any other countries other than Texas?

No, there aren't. I'm going to venture a guess here and say who might like some KFC?

How about let's go with Japan? All right, Japan, Roshni, do you agree or disagree?

This is critical. Critical answer here. This is a double kill.

Fried chicken is big in Korea, so I don't know. But I think the Japanese love it just as much.

I think I'm going to have to agree. All right. Agree is correct.

It's Japan. All right. So there's the state of game one. Interesting board.

First double win, I think I've seen. Oh, wow. All right. So with that, game one was...

Get the word to our sponsors. Game one was brought to you by experienced a 12x increase in traffic during a DDoS attack, which Cloudflare was able to successfully absorb.

Cloudflare, the DDoS mitigation reindeer.

And with that, we're on to game two. Brian, you've got first choice.

Where would you like to play? All right. I am. Hmm. We'll come up for you this time.

I'll go Vivec. Vivec, welcome to the squares. Thank you. Thank you. Pleasure to be here.

Would you mind giving a quick introduction for all your Cloudflare TV fans?

Sure thing. Hello, everyone. This is my five minutes to fame. My name is Vivec.

I'm with the product marketing team. I've been with Cloudflare exactly the number of days that Kristen's been, actually.

So Kristen and I were in the same class.

So, yeah. Any questions about anything to do with network services?

Come to me. Awesome. Well, great to have you here. Your question to kick off game two.

What is the name of the European monster that captures naughty children during Christmas?

Hmm. European monster. Oh, Brian's nodding. Maybe a Grinch.

I don't know. Grinch is still Christmas. I'm thinking Dr. Suess here.

But but I feel like if he's European, he has to be German because maybe like Dirk Grinch.

I don't know. I'm going to go with the Grinch. All right. Going with the Grinch.

And we'll not get into whether the Grinch is German or not. That's a big question.

All right, Brian, do you agree or disagree? I'm going to strongly disagree and say that it's Mariah Carey.

Just kidding. It is Krampus. I disagree.

All right. Disagree is correct. It is Krampus, as you've mentioned. No word on Mariah Carey on so.

We're going to see this and just be so upset with me. So I think she's a big fan.

I have heard on the grapevine that Silicon Valley Squares has reached her.

So Roshni, where are we playing next? I'm going to go with Amit. All right.

I think everyone's gone at this point, right? Yeah. Yep. I'm going to go with Amit.

All right, Amit. Kayla needs to go. Yeah, Kayla still has an open question.

Sorry, Kayla. That's OK. It's probably for the better. All right, Amit. Your question, a math question.

How many presents are awarded at the end of the song, The 12 Days of Christmas?

Well, if you have them all. It's 12 days and I expect like 10 presents a day.

So like 120 ish. 120 ish. Do you agree or disagree? I disagree.

Not good at math, but I think there's more. All right. There are more, a lot more.

There are 364. So by the time you add up all of the Pied Pipers and all of the partridges in their pear trees and throughout all of the choruses and verses, 364 presents.

All right. So with that, we'll bring the board back up, Brian, you get to choose.

All right.

I, ooh, I'm going to go. Jake. All right. Center square.

Do you have any more plugs? I'm just checking. No, no. No, I mean, it's your show as much as it's my show.

So if, you know, if there's a book you're writing, like feel free.

No, let's go with, let's go with the question. I feel very confident that I'm going to get this one right.

Awesome. Brian, I'm there for you.

Awesome. Your question for game two, Rangifer Tyrandis is the scientific name of this famous holiday creature.

Could you repeat the scientific name, please?

I mean, I can't. I don't really want to, though. Rangifer Tyrandis. Rangifer.

That sounds to me, Brian, a whole lot. Rangifer? Rangifer? R-A-N-G-I-F -E-R.

Rangifer, reindeer. That's what I'm hearing, Brian. I go with reindeer. I'm hearing, I'm hearing Range Rover.

Say it again, Dan, one more time.

I want to hear it again. Aldo, this feels like marketing magic.

You know, you're just, you're just mincing words. I mean, I'm thinking.

So wait, can we hear the wording of the question again, Dan? Because I feel like this might help a lot.

Rangifer Tyrandis is the scientific name of this famous holiday creature.

Kind of sounds like tarantula at the end. Rangifer, tarantula.

Oh, God. Imagine a tarantula with reindeer antlers? No, no, no, no, no. Think of other creatures.

Think of other creatures. It could be like the turtle dove.

Partridge, partridge in a pear tree. Yep. Jeez, what else? Hold, what are the other creatures?

Tarantula, reindeer. Tarantula, reindeer? Oh, I mean. That's the nightmare before Christmas.

It could be, you know what? It could be. That sounds Dr.

Seuss-ed. You know, you can say introducing the Grinch and then like putting the scientific name, you know, kind of like they do with the Wile E.


All right. Yeah, I mean, like how many other amazing animals are there? I'm going to say.

I agree. I agree, reindeer. I agree with reindeer. Reindeer is correct.

Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome, Brian. All right. Santa's showing up in a Range Rover.

Oh, yeah. All right.

And with that, Brian's got his way to a win for game two. Roshni, where are we playing next?

I'm going to have to go with Kayla. All right, Kayla. Welcome to the squares.

Would you mind giving a quick introduction? Sure. I'm Kayla. I'm in Austin and I'm on the customer advocacy team here at Cloudflare.

Thank you. Wait, we advocate for our customers?

We try to. OK. Awesome. Well, happy to have you on the squares.

Thank you for joining us. Your question. What TV famous holiday was made for the rest of us?

Well, I watch a lot of TV, like more than I should care to admit.

So I need to go through my knowledge. I remember the Game of Thrones red wedding probably pretty holiday like at one point in time could have been that.

I've seen some holidays from hell on the Real Housewives of New York could be one of them.

But I do think that it's Festivus from Seinfeld. All right. Festivus for Seinfeld is the holiday for the rest of us.

Roshni, do you agree or disagree? It rhymes.

So makes sense to me. I agree. Kayla for the win. All right, Kayla, for the block.

That is correct. We were looking for Festivus. So with that, I'll bring up the board.

And Brian, it's your choice. Where are we playing next? Ah, foiled.

I'm going to go with Kristen. All right. Are you thinking through the 5D tic -tac-toe there?

Yep. That's pretty much it. All right, Kristen, your question for game two.

Stalin is the traditional fruitcake of which country? OK, so my mom's Norwegian and Dan, it's actually stolen.

So if you could get that right next time, that would be cool.

Thank you. And it's Norwegian. That's a very legitimate answer.

It does sound very legitimate, and I'm going to feel very horribly misled and betrayed if I agree with you.

And it's not. I will look you up on LinkedIn.

I read bad reviews on websites. I'm going to agree. All right. Brian agrees.

I actually have Germany. Oh, so y'all got played. Brian, you just get lied to your face.

Unbelievable, Kristen. My mom's Norwegian, though. You know, all lies start with truth.

You know, we are talking to the marketers here. Oh, oh, you've had Dan, you've had that one in your back pocket.

Come on now. All right. All right.

You know, still lots of love for the team. Roshni, where would you like to wrap us up to end game two and the show?

Let's go with Martin. All right, Martin, your question.

Is in the ironic Christmas story, the gift of the Magi, what does the wife sell in order to purchase a gift for her husband?

At the risk of sounding overconfident again, I have actually read this story, and I can tell you with even more confidence than Kristen just mustered that it is she sells her hair.

All right, she sells her hair. Do you agree or disagree, Roshni?

Her hair? Word, oh. Um, sure. I guess. All right. It is it is her hair. Oh, she sells her hair and her husband buys her a comb.

It's very ironic, but not the Alanis Morissette kind.

So with that, Roshni cakes game two. And game two was brought to us by, I don't remember.

Comfort and Joy. So for everyone tuning in, whether you're catching us live or one of the replays, you know, everyone here on Silicon Valley Squares, Cloudflare TV team and Cloudflare wish you a happy holiday season.

Filled with laughter and comfort and joy. And with that, that brings us to the end of the show.

Thank you all for joining us. Jake, thank you for taking Center Square.

Hope everyone had a blast and everyone has a great holiday season. What is a bot?

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