Cloudflare TV

Silicon Valley Squares

Presented by Dan Hollinger
Originally aired on 

A send up of Hollywood Squares where Cloudflare experts fill the celebrity squares and answer high and low-level Cloudflare questions to help two guest stars (customers, AEs or new hires) get a a tic-tac-toe, or possibly the Silicon Valley equivalent - a TCP handshake (SYN, SYN-ACK, ACK)

Game Shows

Transcript (Beta)

Hello, fellow humans, and welcome to another episode of Silicon Valley Squares, where we get to determine whether Cloudflare employees are funny or not.

Survey says, debatable.

And just keep in mind, if you're not a fan of the jokes, we'll patch them next week.

I have already made the JIRA. So we will get that deployed as soon as possible if the jokes aren't funny.

So keep in mind, if you're a new viewer, if you ran out of Netflix, and you're joining us on the live stream or you're catching recording, I have two contestants here, Alan and Sylvia, they are trying to get tic-tac-toe or knots and crosses, as I've been told it is called in other countries.

Who I assume exist.

So what that means is Alan and Sylvia are trying to get three across, three diagonal or three down, or first to five, if we're unable to get a tic-tac-toe.

And today on the show we have special guest center square, John Graham Cumming, CTO of Cloudflare.

So all of the technical questions, we hope he gets right.

Is that, is that a fair assumption? All right.

And with that, Alan, would you mind introducing yourself to the crowd. Yes, and I know it's a little confusing for a lot of people.

I am a man of three first names.

So my name is Eric. Off to a great start, Dan. I am a Japanese speaking revenue accountant.

And I am in the great state of Texas in Austin. And a little bit about me.

I love Game of Thrones and I probably know more than any of y'all. There you go.

I'm sure we're gonna have a lot of Game of Thrones questions. Exactly. It's very technical show.

Very technical. If you were to represent Game of Thrones in a binary data structure, go.

You either play the game of binary, you either, what, null route or you lose.

We'll work on that.

We'll iterate. Silvia, would you mind introducing yourself to the crowd. Hi, I'm Silvia Flores.

I'm Portuguese. I'm in Lisbon at the moment at the new office. It's very sunny.

Fun fact, I do illustrations and I have a twin sister. You have a lot of good suits from Portugal.

We heard it's a great place to get them.

Yeah, I have a pink suit. Could you change it to orange? Because, you know, everything uniform.

We need to be on brand here. I wear it with the orange shirts and, you know, it looks quite good.

Monochromatic. I mean, with that in mind, this is the first show that we have all the squares in square backgrounds.

All of the contestants in square backgrounds.

Our production value just tripled. I could fix that.

Hold on. On this episode. Go team. All right. I can put my normal background. I think I have like a NASCAR crash compilation.

That is my usual background. I think that feels more of an appropriate theme for this show.

Yeah, I mean, a train wreck is what we're aiming for.

And with that in mind, Eric, I'll share my screen again and the board is yours.

Would you like to pick the first square? I will. And I will go with my fellow drag race lover, Miss Fallon.

Miss Fallon, would you mind? I know you're a cloud TV veteran.

You're you're moderately famous. But would you mind introducing yourself to the viewers?

Sure. I'm Fallon Blossom. I'm also in the great state of Texas with Alan.

And I do.

I do love drag race. I'm Team Shea all day. Oh, when I work, I work. I make videos for Cloudflare.

All right. Your question. How much did it cost AOL to send all of those CD-ROMs by mail?

And we're talking...

Aside from everyone's sanity. And lots of non-recyclable waste. I would say in 90s bucks, $1 million.

$1 million. All right, Eric, do you agree or disagree?

I disagree.

It was over $300 million. $300 million in direct mail marketing. They make great coasters.

Does anyone still have them? I realized recently, I don't have any device that can play a CD or a DVD.

But I do have a record player over in the corner so I can play something from 1970s.

I'm still playing Betamax. Come on.

All right. So Eric gets the square. Sylvia, the board is yours. Where would you like to go?

I would like to go to Val. Val. All right. One moment. Val, would you mind introducing yourself to the crowd?

So my name is Val. I live in Romania, Transylvania, actually.

If I say Transylvania, it's going to be much more familiar than Romania.

I'm based in the London office, but now with all this madness, I'm back in Romania with family.

And no bite marks. Not my blood type. That's because I'm not around.

Born in Transylvania as well. Oh, wow. All right. We got to keep you two as far away as possible.

We're already social distancing here.

So Val, your question. Which of these is not an Internet term? Cookies, brownies, or spam?

It can't all be hard. It's water in my mouth. But if I make the brownies, they're very hard.

Trust me. I would say brownies, for sure. All right. Brownies is not the Internet term.

Sylvia, do you agree or disagree? Absolutely agree.

That's my breakfast. Come on, guys. We would have to read the orientation if we didn't get that one right.

All right. Sylvia gets the square. Beau goes to Val. We're at a good...

I don't want to share this. We're at a good spot so far. Eric, board is yours.

Where would you like to go? All right. Well, I will go with the grand dame himself, John Graham.

All right. John Graham-Cumming. For those on the show that are not familiar with you, would you mind introducing yourself?

Yes. My name is John Graham-Cumming.

I'm Cloudflare's CTO. And I've been at Cloudflare for so long, I'm starting to forget how long I've been at Cloudflare.

Have you checked recently the...

I don't know if they're still updating it, but we have a slash...

I think it's people or something like that. Are you still on the first couple rows?

So there is a battle. There are some people who are...

There's Matthew and Michelle and Lee, the three co-founders. There's a few other people who joined before me.

And actually, over the years, many of those people have been eliminated.

They left the company. So I move ever closer. But there's a few employees who just don't want to leave.

Is this a Hunger Games situation now?

Are they worried here? I think that constitutes a viable threat. Or else.

Jerome Chen, Justin Payne, they should be looking out. I offer Scott his tribute.

Yeah. John has moved up to number eight now. Alright, JGC, your question. And I did pull up a punch card question.

Do not fold, spindle, or what? Was a common term printed on IBM punch cards.

Well, fold, spindle, or... I think it has to be shred.

Because that would damage the card. So it's got to be fold, spindle, or shred the card.

More importantly, what does spindle mean? On a spindle? What do you do if you spindle something?

On a punch card. You've never seen a spindle? They're that big, spiky thing.

Andre, it's just not good. Just go with that. Don't do it.

Yeah, just don't do it. I'm imagining... Alright. A youth reference here.

I'm imagining from the butterfly effect, the thing that he stabs his hands onto.

Those are spindles. Those are spindles? Okay. Sorry, we went dark this episode.

We went very dark. Let's bring it back. Eric, do you agree with that answer? Do not fold, spindle, or shred was printed on IBM punch cards.

I would have to say... Your job might be on the line with this.

Keep that in mind. Let's make a note. Hang on a second.

I'd have to say I disagree. He disagrees. I think it would be obvious for people to not shred their cards, right?

Alright. They don't work nearly as well.

You are correct. It is not shred. It was commonly do not fold, spindle, or mutilate.

Mutilate? It's probably just a broader term of shred. Wow. I'm glad I took this darkly.

So dark. What? Alright. With that, Eric gets the center square. Silvia, the board is yours.

It looks like Eric is about to win. Where would you like to go?

Brian, obviously. Brian, obviously.

Would you mind introducing yourself to everyone watching? Sure.

Thanks, Dan. I'm Brian Dwyer. I'm a solutions engineer in our New York City office.

I reside in New Jersey. Fun fact, JGC was my executive interview for Cloudflare.

Was it okay? I made it. Did you get the job? Was it okay for you? How many times did he call back?

Yeah, yeah. Okay, Val. So I interviewed Val. And Val decided that a good way to schedule a call was when he was up a mountain with no cell service.

I remember thinking, actually, does he actually want to come and work for us?

Because I'm calling the guy up a mountain in Transylvania. Alright. I mean, that's just where he lives.

You know? Doing extremely non-nefarious things. Yeah, extremely.

He didn't have a landline. That was the issue. He had a really long cord.

Alright, Brian, you got an easy one as well. In 1974, the word Internet appeared for the first time as a shortening of this term.

Oh, this is an easy one.

As a big fan of basketball, this is certainly a lap. So when Al Gore invented the Internet, this was called Interwebs.

Yes. Yeah, that's right. John! Don't say that!

You're helping Eric! So Internet is short for Interwebs?

Like, if you count the letters. Yeah. It's a shortening.

It's a shortening. Jack is short for John, right? Precisely.

Sylvia, do you agree or disagree? I agree. You agree that Internet is short for Interwebs?

Alright. No, I disagree! I disagree! I got so confused with everything else!

Alright. I'm just trying to keep the game fun. Alright, disagree.

Disagree is correct. The correct answer, the right answer is it is short for Internetworking or Intersystem Networking.

Oh, it's Intertubes. Alright, so we got the block.


I'll try to remain impartial now. I feel like, dang! Like the game's cheating.

Yeah. Alright, so Eric, the board is yours. Let me bring that back up and let's see the state of the board.

Alright. I think you know where you're headed.

Let's see. I'm trying to think. What was the ID? Do you want to pick Roshni?

Oh, I'm thinking. I'm trying to think. How would I play Tic-Tac-Toe back in the day to make sure?

Oh, yeah. Hey, Eric. There's only one correct answer here.

Give it to me, Roshni. Alright. Roshni. Upper right square, would you mind introducing yourself?

Sure. My name is Roshni Hundle and I work out of the New York office today.

And fun fact is I've lived and lived and worked out of three different Cloudflare offices.

Wow. Do they keep kicking you out?

Yeah, I think she's on her way to Lisbon right now.

These are not voluntary. Lisbon is on the list, though.

I'm coming. My wife and I have talked about that. We'll meet you in Lisbon.

That could work. Sounds good. Let's go. All right. Your question.

True or false. The fax machine was invented before the telephone. Hmm. Well, all I could think about was dial-up when this question was listed.

Like, where does that fall into that?

But I could fax. I could fax the answer back to you. Oh, I have to have a fax machine.

False. False. So she says the fax machine was not invented before the telephone.

True or false. And I agree with her that it is false because it wasn't like the telegraph invented by like some guy like back in the day.

Somebody did invent it. Yes. Someone did. Like way, way back. All right. Well, the answer was actually true.

So the first fax machine developed in 1865, a full 11 years before Alexander Graham Bell invented Who were they sending faxes to?

To each other, I guess.

Invent the fax machine in anticipation of being able to send a fax?

By accident. No, I can annoy somebody in a few years. Yeah. All right.

Well, I can't say Sylvia, I can't give you the win based off of the miss, but the board is now yours and you are open to get the win.

No. All right, Roshni, you got the double question.

Any other introductions you would like to make?

I'm set. Let's do this. All right. I got to scroll back over to my questions. I don't have like the cards.

So, Roshni, this form of social engineering with a recreational a recreational name arrives via email and instant messenger.

What is the name of that form of social engineering?

Hey, this is so hard.

You can barely say the question. Exactly. What is this? You wrote these late at night.

Where the fruit questions are. I mean, I have to go with fishing for this one.

Fishing. All right, Sylvia, do you agree or disagree with fishing?

Disagree. Disagree with fishing. That is incorrect. Oh, my God.

I'm going to need y'all to settle down here. All right. It's only correct if you can spell it.

All right. That means Eric gets the square. So, again, the rules are if your opponent misses, you get the square unless it's a win.

Which means the board looks like this now. Eric, the board is yours. Where would you like to go?

Let's see. Again, I think there's only one one choice for you here. Hold on.

There's a method to my madness. You know, it's fine. You can win it right now or you can slam the door shut.

I can help with slamming doors shut. You should choose Andre because if you get that, then you set yourself up to win in the next move and just prolong.

I'm telling you, slam the door shut. Is the square supposed to be giving cheat codes?

What's happening? This game has like three rules, you know, in all honesty.

All right, Eric, where would you like to go? I'm going to spice it up a bit and go with Andre.

All right. I'll remember this. The Silicon Valley Squares veteran.

For those that don't know you, could you introduce yourself?

Nope. Sounds good. Wow. You'll have to watch a former episode. It's true. Yeah.

We should just roll some B tape here with me doing this a few times. Let's see if I can spice it up this time.

Hi, I'm Andre based in London. This episode is in a reasonable time zone for me.

And this is coffee in my cup this time, which is awesome.

All right. The jokes are less funny. We know why. All right. Your question, Andre.

What HTML tag would you use to make text pop up when someone hovers their mouse over a graphic?

I should know this. But the sad reality is I don't.

So full disclosure, this is going to be a guess. Oh, well, that's. Wow. Just yes.

Just hand it to him. See, you should have chosen me. Just give an alternate answer.

You'd be guessing too. Give an alternate answer. All right. What's your guess?

You want to hover over something? I mean.

This is how technical are we getting here? Like did pure HTML or we have like some some CSS or am I throwing like a HTML?

Just HTML. HTML tag. I mean, OK.

The answer is a div tag. Fine. This is web development, not rocket science. Come on.

I'm going to argue with you if it's not a div tag. OK. He's saying a div tag and we'll take it up with my producers.

You know, Eric, what are your thoughts? Does a div tag help text pop up when someone hovers their mouse over a graphic?

I disagree.

I thought it's a hypertext, but I don't know. All right. Well, I think I know where you're going with this and I'm going to argue with the wording of this question, but please continue.

Please. The right answer is an alt tag. The alt tag.

So that's an alt property on a div. Oh, you were going to guess anyway. Just give it up.

Yeah. So Eric does get the square. It's magic. And let me bring up the board.

I'm filing a complaint with your producers. You go ahead and do that. You can file a jury.

I have a jury. All right. All right. So here's the state of the board.

We got a double win opportunity for Eric. Sylvia. It's a definite loss. It is.

Scott. All right, Scott. OK, sure. Fine. Would you mind introducing yourself to the crowd?

I wouldn't. Yeah, I'm Scott. I work over in CSUP. I build e-learning and run the LMS there.

Sometimes get to look at a lot of Fallon stuff and it's I definitely want to use it.

Awesome. So your question, Scott, let me scroll back up.

Please be easy. What was the very first registered domain name? Had to do with cat videos, I'm sure.

So probably. Yeah. It's DARPA guys for the cats. DARPA cats dot com.

If that is not taken, someone please go register that now. There is one.

There is one I know. Nor do I think it's something like that. Nor do dot com.

It's in Scandinavia somewhere. All right. Nor do you agree or disagree? Everyone is real silent.

Like I said, it was such extreme confidence from anyone. Let me look.

You can't Google things. Show up on my evaluation. Is it OK? I'll say it's true.

Please be true. She says agree. Nor do dot com. No, it was symbolics dot com.

Symbolics. I didn't look up the property. The history of that. Nor do was the first one that was registered.

Oh, no. First one created, but it wasn't registered.

Gotcha. All right. So I can't give you the question now because you didn't get it.

No. All right. Eric, here's the state of the board. I can't give you the win.

But if you want to select either Scott or Eddie, you can you can take the game.

I'll give my man Eddie a shot. All right. Eddie, would you mind introducing yourself to everyone?

Me? I'm Eddie. I work in the San Francisco office. I.T. analyst, which basically means I fix all the stuff you guys break.

I think it's your fault.

More than anyone else. Yes. Does any of any tickets they need to file or like they need help with right now?

I mean, we can transition to a live support show if we need to.

Yeah, exactly. And I'm all to Eddie now. Everyone does anyway. So it's fine.

It's not like I'm going anywhere. All right. You got another simple question.

What was Mark Zuckerberg's original Facebook profile number?

Oh, this is unfair. I get it. How is it unfair? Yeah. Mark. She means to Mark.

I get the old of mine. No one wants. And then he gets the popular guy. This is unfair.

I'm going to say one. All right. And he's saying one Eric for the win of the longest game so far.

On this. On this show. What do you think? I would have to disagree.

I think it might have been zero. It's got to be a one or a zero. Yeah, I mean, computer scientists are counting at zero.

That's the way this works. Lua or like half a dozen other languages that are wrong, by the way.

Not going to let it go. All right.

So the disagree is correct. His original Facebook profile number was four. Whether or not they started counting at zero, I do not know.

The first three were cats test one, test two, test three.

And me. All right. So, Eric, you get game one with three X's and both first to five.

And you got the three across the right. So that would give us a thousand points to you and we'd move on.

What I'll do here is say that game one was brought to you by the Cloudflare Partner Network.

Why? Because I'm on the Cloudflare Partner team and I put this show together.

So if you'd like to learn more about partnering with Cloudflare, feel free to check us out at

So we do only have a few minutes left. I'm happy to get this game started and we can always go with the few squares that we haven't asked questions yet.

Which I think is David. Sylvia, would you like to kick us off? David.

David, would you mind introducing yourself? OK, myself. Yes. So I'm one of the salespeople in London and I myself have been interviewed by John.

So I think half of us have been given a job by you, which is great.

All this show today has been interviewed by John.

Exactly. It's sponsored by And now the regrets are starting to sink in.

Honestly, not just now.

All right, David, your question.

What was the name of the first tool used for searching content on the Internet?

Similar to episode one.


I'm going to go with Yahoo just because I don't know anything before the Yahoo era of searching.

What about Ask Jeeves? Wasn't that before Yahoo? We got some hints from other squares here.

We're going to lock that down. I believe that's called phishing.

We can't do that. People showing their age via what search platform they're aware of.

Encyclopedia Britannica.

World book. World book. Card indexes.

All right. But don't spindle them. Whatever you do, the Dewey Decimal System.

All right, David, what do you think? I have honestly no idea. I'm going to go with Linux grep.

Linux grep. First tool for searching content on the Internet.

Do you agree or disagree? I forgot. Can you repeat the question again? What was the name of the first tool used for searching content on the Internet?

The first?

I will disagree. I don't know. I don't think it's Yahoo. Maybe something before that.

All right. Correct. The answer was It was called Archie.

The name stood for archive without the V and it was created by some computer scientist students at the McHill University of Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

Sylvia trusted that I'm young enough to not know the answer.

Which is nice. Thank you.

I know I look very young and beautiful. All right. So with that, can I just say I'm learning too much this episode?

We need to tone down the learning.

Yeah, we do. Seriously. All right. And with that, I know we'll close out the show.

I want to thank everyone for watching. I want to thank all of our lovely squares and our contestants.

I hope, you know, everyone had a blast as we try to, you know, get you to learn some stuff and buy Encyclopedia Britannica.

World book.

World book. I hear they're struggling either way. Microsoft Encarta.

That's where it's at. Nexus. Nexus. Did I just get OG cred for that answer?

You did. Remember Excite and Netscape? Those were great.

I lost. All right. Thank you, everyone. Okay. Bye.