Cloudflare TV

Silicon Valley Squares

Presented by Dan Hollinger
Originally aired on 

A send up of Hollywood Squares where Cloudflare experts fill the celebrity squares and answer high and low-level Cloudflare questions to help two guest stars (customers, AEs or new hires) get a a tic-tac-toe, or possibly the Silicon Valley equivalent - a TCP handshake (SYN, SYN-ACK, ACK)

Game Shows

Transcript (Beta)

Hello, hello. Welcome, everyone, to yet another episode of Silicon Valley Squares. Even though we had our CEO last episode, we were not canceled.

So yay. Good on us. We survived.

We got some legal restraints now, but we'll move forward. We'll adapt. So with that in mind, everyone, welcome.

If you're unfamiliar with the show, we're trying to have our contestants here, Jen and Weston, get a tic-tac-toe.

And they do this by getting three across, three diagonal, or three down.

And what we'll do is ask our lovely squares various Internet and Cloudflare related trivia questions.

And we'll start the game off.

So with that, Jen, who happens to be my lovely wife, would you please introduce yourself for the crowd and everyone watching at home?

Hello, my name is Jen. And I also live here in Oakland. Hello, guys. All right, Weston, would you give yourself an introduction?

Hi, everybody. My name is Weston.

Previously a Solutions Engineer at Cloudflare. I live out here in Oakland as well.

I think pretty close to Dan and Jen, actually. A stone's throw. Solutions Engineer, formerly known as Weston.

Formerly known. All right. And with that, we'll move to the board.

So Jen, being top of the PowerPoint that I put together, would you start us off?

Who would you like to select first? Let's do Carl. Carl. Carl, would you like to introduce yourself since, again, you're not quite a celebrity yet on Cloudflare TV?

No, not not yet. But hey, everyone, my name is Carl Henrich, and I am on the sales enablement team here at Cloudflare in San Francisco.

All right, Carl, your question is, if I was freaking in the 1980s, what was I doing?

In the 1980s, well, freaking has to be derived from freaking out.

So I think it's got to be some kind of dance move.

We're talking about the 80s, right? But actually, I retract that.

That can't be right. Probably some kind of, I think it has to do with prank calls.

I'm going to go ahead and say, if you're freaking, you are making a prank phone call.

A prank phone call. Do you agree or disagree? I disagree.

Disagree. That is correct. It's actually hacking a telephone service. So a little bit more than just pranking a phone call, but hacking the telephone service.

All right, so Jen gets the square.

Dan, did you say hacking the telephone is serverless?

Service. Just got workers on the brain, man. Yeah, no, the service. So X gets the square with our amazing production values.

And this is the state of the board.

Weston, it's your choice. Where would you like to play? Raymond. Raymond, center square.

Would you love to introduce yourself to the crowd? Oh, I'm Raymond Mason.

I'm lucky enough to be looking after the Australian New Zealand business for Cloudflare.

Hi, everyone. I agree. That's a very good place to be. It's a good place to be right now.

Just saying. But I mean, at least it's isolated, right?

Yeah, it's very easy to close the borders. Just don't let any boats in.

All right. Your question. What was the original business plan for Cloudflare titled?

Ah, well, just so happens that I was watching Cloudflare TV yesterday and our fabulous CEO was on there telling the story.

And he did say that because one of the things that they were working on was called Project HuniePop, but he couldn't get that in Cloud.

So the idea was, you know, Cloud was coming in, wanted to tell the story around cloud and scale, etc.

And it was originally going to be called Cloudburst.

And that was what it was meant to be called.

Cloudburst. All right. Cloudburst. Weston, do you agree or disagree? You know, with that long background and everything like that, I have to agree.

Even if he's lying, that was such a good background with so much confidence there.

So yeah, I think he's telling the truth.

Said with confidence. It is actually incorrect.

It was Project Web Wall. So I don't know if that's arguably better or worse.

Weston, psychopaths, sociopaths, like they all have no problem doing that.

All right, so X gets the square.

So if you do miss a question, as long as it's not the game winning question, it goes to your opponent.

So with that, this could be a very quick game one.

Jen, where would you like to play? I think I'll go with Alex. All right, Alex, would you introduce yourself to the crowd?

Hey, everybody. My name is Alex and I am the product manager for the cash team.

All right, well, welcome.

Alex, your question is, which defunct 1990s web host is now archived by the Pirate Bay?

Which defunct 1990s web host is now archived by the Pirate Bay? You know, that's a great question.

And, you know, I immediately my brain goes to various other sorts of pirate acronyms.

But I'm going to say Napster. Napster. So Napster is hosted by the Pirate Bay.

What do you say, Jen? Hmm. Well, with my vast knowledge of 90s tech information, I'm going to say true.

You agree. All right. Well, actually, it is not Napster.

It is GeoCities. One of the first places I hosted my first website.

It was amazing. And now I know it is archived forever on the Pirate Bay.

I always go back. Weston, you have a chance. So Weston gets the square and the block.

I'm not losing. I'm not losing just yet. It's still anyone's game.

All right. Where are my sound effects? All right, Weston, the board is yours.

Where would you like to play? Let's go with Stephen Pack.

Stephen, one of our alumni. I know you already have Cloudflare TV notoriety, but for everyone else in the world.

In fact, if you were dialed in today, 12.30, you could have watched me trying to figure out how to use the Cache API in Workers.

So there's some good viewing if anyone wants to look back into it.

My name is Steve. I'm on the Strategic Projects team. Hello. Based here in Berkeley, California, and representing the A's tonight.

Looking forward to the first game.

Nice. All right, Stephen, your question is, this activity costs companies over $650 billion a year in lost productivity.

Selfies, right? People aren't working.

They're just Millennials, Gen Z, whatever they are. I mean, and this is a pre-COVID question, so that's probably legitimate.

People don't work anymore.

This sounds like from personal experience, Stephen. You came up with that answer very quickly.

The real answer is not using Cloudflare. You see, because when you're not protected by Cloudflare, you're like, your website's going down.

People are like, your employees aren't secure.

All of that stuff adds up. So that's the only really way to save productivity in Cloudflare.

We're lost by not using Cloudflare.

Weston, do you agree or disagree? I feel like I'm going to be in trouble.

I'm going to disagree. Disagree. That is correct.

So the correct answer is cyber slacking. So cyber slacking costs companies billions of dollars each year.

Employees surveyed said they spent more than five hours per workday surfing the web.

Oh my gosh. I would like to know which websites they were on.

I mean, technically, if I'm surfing the web and I work at Cloudflare, that's productivity, right?

As long as they're a Cloudflare website?

Yeah. When we get frustrated, that's not working. Yeah, that seems fair. No, I think it's especially if it's not, because we're researching who they're using, right?

All right. Weston gets Steven Square. Jen, I'm coming back for you.

It's a game night all over again.

It is. Where would you like to play, Jen? Watson. Watson.

All right, Watson. Would you like to introduce yourself? I'm Watson. I'm on the research team here at Cloudflare.

And I'm in New Jersey right now. And also another Cloudflare celebrity.

No, I believe I've seen you cooking food on TV. You have.

Yeah, so we'll just get a microcosm of Cloudflare TV celebrities and then we won't need these intros anymore.

All right. All right, Watson, your question.

In January 2001, the Dave Matthews Band made history by becoming the first major artist to release a single directly to this controversial file swapping service.

Dave Matthews Band put crap they had no use for on top of unsuspecting people.

Other be surprised. All right, I'm guessing Chicago Architecture Foundation is not the right answer.


Kazaa? Yeah. I know. Thinking about things I use. I'll go with Kazaa. Kazaa, do you agree or disagree with Kazaa?

Hmm, I feel like he's trying to trip me up, so I'm going to agree with Kazaa.

Agree with Kazaa. It's not the case. The answer is actually Napster.

The slightly more popular. You're welcome. File. You're welcome, Weston.

Again, Weston cannot win. A game winning one cannot be had from a loss.

But I'm sure you want to pick Watson for the win? Absolutely. Read my mind. Okay, let me bring up Watson's other questions.

All right, Watson, another one for you.

Who is considered the father of the modern Internet?

The singular.

I mean, it could be like adoptive father, I guess.

You know the thing about success, right?

Many fathers and failure is an orphan. I'll say John Postel. John Postel. What do you think, Weston?

Agree or disagree? I feel like I should know this. I mean, he's on the research team.

That's true.

Watson, are you messing with me? I'm going to go with... I don't think it's that person.

All right, so you disagree? Yes. All right, disagree. That is the correct choice.

The father of the modern Internet is Sir Timothy John Berners-Lee.

That's another Cloudflare TV appearance. Correct.

He's got a spot on one of the Internet summits. So it's not JGC. It is not.

All right, so Weston takes game one. Close. A lot of tension, a lot of back and forth.

A lot of psychoanalysis in that game. Not a lot of thinking about the answers, just analyzing the person.

There was. You're saying that the original wasn't entirely Freudian.

All right, with that in mind, game one was brought to you by the Cloudflare Partner Network.

The reason is because I put this show together and I work for the Cloudflare Partner Team.

So if you'd like to learn more about becoming a Cloudflare Partner, feel free to check out portal.Cloudflarepartners .com.

And with that brief message out of the way, we'll move on to game two. The board is cleared.

Weston, the choice is yours. Where would you like to play next? Let's go with Katie.

Katie. What's up, Katie? Katie, upper left corner. Would you mind introducing yourself?

Hello, I'm Katie and I'm on the customer success team and I support partnerships.

So I also love that ad that you just put up. Awesome. I love when a plug gets another plug.

All right, your question. What does the C stand for in IRC?

Well, it's definitely not Cloudflare, but I think I'm going to go for cable.


It stands for cable. All right, Weston, what do you think? Agree or disagree?

I'm going to have to disagree with that one. Disagree. Do you know what it stands for?

I should. I don't remember. Is it WeChat? No. I was going to say, did we fire you as a solutions engineer?

I think so. I didn't know enough acronyms. All right.

Well, it is chat. So you do get the square. Let me bring up our amazing production value.

Could you protect an IRC server with Spectrum? Could you not? I think you can.

If any IRC. James, Gaurav, my SE is on the squares. That's a true statement, isn't it?

Yeah, we could, but the problem is IRC doesn't exist anymore, does it?

What? I mean, it sure still exists. I think there's still people that use it.

I think half the engineering team and a handful of the SEs bitterly complain about Google Chat.

And always, always IRC comes up. Not MSN Messenger. All right. And IRC stands for Internet Relay Chat.

That was the full answer, full acronym. Jen, the board is yours.

Where would you like to go? Let's go for Raymond. Raymond, center square.

All right. Your question. In 1973, Vint Cerf was asked to work on a protocol to replace the original NCP protocol.

What was the name of that replacement protocol?

Geez, am I getting all the old questions because I'm the oldest guy here?

Is that what's happening? No, I like to give the salespeople the most technical questions.

Well, it just so happens that I did study this at university because I did do an applied science course.

And it was at the same time as fiber was being invented.

And the problem was as light was beaming through the fiber, it would refract and create noise.

So they had to split the bytes up. So he created multiplex.

All right. Vint Cerf created multiplex. Do you agree or disagree? Let's see.

You sound very confident like those NPR celebrities. Happened to me last time, by the way.

Well, that's true.

Sometimes they're trying to trip you up. I'm going to agree this time.

Going to agree. All right. Well, that is incorrect. The correct answer is TCPIP.

One of the backbones protocols of the modern Internet. And I did find it on TCP.

And for anyone wanting to read it, it's at a beautiful web address of

So it must be accurate. All right. Well, Weston, the board is yours.

I see you're most likely going to go with Stephen. I'm going to go with Stephen.

Twice. All right, Stephen, you're just a popular square in this game.

I'm not even sure how this works. Does something happen when I get asked a question twice?

No, we haven't invented secret squares yet. We'll get there eventually.

Too much else to do. All right. Your question. In 1994, was commonly considered the first example of this on the Internet.

We're not talking links with.

No, links as in L-I-N-K-S dot. Because I can just imagine all the people yelling browser, browser, text browser.

No, That sounds like a website, which seems a reasonable use of the Internet.

But no, that's not the answer. The answer is it's the first site that used the marquee tag.

The scrolling text? Yeah.

It was the first one. First site that used the marquee. Agree or disagree, Weston?

I'm going to have to disagree.

Disagree. It was the first blog on the Internet in 1994. All right.

Let me pull up the game board. And that's a win for Weston. Really quick. That's a shutout.

Two wins for Weston. I was keeping track of score, which I've done at least one game.

That's 1,000 points per game. We'll actually put that up real quick.

2,000 points. There you go. I got to go get some water real quick. I'm on fire.

You are. All right. And that brings Game 2 to an end. Game 2 was brought to you by Cloudflare Workers.

A serverless solution that allows you to deploy code at the edge to over 200 data centers.

And with that, we only have about nine minutes left.

We're going to get started on Game 3. Who are we up to? I think back to Jen.

Jen, your call. How about... Oh, gosh. We've got some lonely squares, if you'd like to...

Who have we not called on yet? Let's see. Ali, James, and Gaurav.

Okay. Let's go with Alati. Alati, welcome. Would you like to introduce yourself to the crowd?

My name is Alati, and I'm the lead designer for core brand and design systems here at Cloudflare.

Awesome. All right. Oh, a follow-up question.

I love these kinds of questions. What does the C stand for in ICQ?

I'm going to go with computing. Computing. All right, Jen, do you agree or disagree with computing?

I'm burned with agreeing. Let's see. Should I disagree? I'm going to disagree.

Disagree. That is the correct choice. So, the C doesn't stand for anything in ICQ.

ICQ was a chat application, and it stems from the ham radio term CQ, which was just the abbreviation for the word seek and the word you.

All right. So, Jen gets the square. All right, Weston, where would you like to play next?

Still got some lonely squares that are like, Dan, how did Dan talk me into doing this?

Gaurav. Gaurav. Sorry. Gaurav. All right. Would you like to introduce yourself to everyone?

My name is Gaurav. I'm based out of Singapore. I'm on the solutions engineering team.

All right. War of the solutions engineers. So, Gaurav, your question.

What was the first computer bug that was ever found? That's an interesting question.

You know what? Ever since I did my engineering, my mom thinks I know everything about the computer.

So, I should know the answer to this question. Yeah.

Well, I think people sometimes put extra spaces. Sometimes forget to put semicolons.

Maybe it has to do with something like that. I think I would go with like missing a semicolon.

All right. So, like a syntax error. Syntax error, yeah.

Syntax error. Weston, do you agree or disagree with a syntax error? I disagree.

Disagree. Good choice. It was a moth. It was a physical moth that got into the machine.

And that's where the root of the term computer bug comes from. They wrote down in their log in 1947 that they found a bug.

Is a moth a bug? Raymond, you said you're a scientist.

Is a moth a bug? Is that the right genus or whatever?

Yeah. All right. So, Weston gets the left middle square. All right, Jen, back to you.

Who do you like to pick? All right. James. James, the final square. Again, that doesn't make you special, but would you like to introduce yourself?


My name is James. I'm on the solutions engineering team in Singapore. And I'd just like to say that ICQ is still a chat app.

You can have me on 628-7171. Unlike IRC, it's still alive.

Does it still make the sound the same? It did the last time I logged in about three years ago.

Okay. I logged in like eight years ago.

I still remember my number, too. I'm not going to post it here, but I'm nostalgic for the uh-oh.

All right. Your question, James, before we go too far down nostalgia road.

Stanford and this other university made the first Internet connection.

That has to be MIT, right?

Massachusetts Institute of Technology. All right. MIT, do you agree or disagree?

I've read about this. I can't remember who the other school was, but I don't think it was MIT.

I should run up and just like tell her the answer and then run back down.

I just realized that Stanford and MIT are quite some distance apart, right?

Yes. The Internet brings people together. You don't know.

I wouldn't choose my answer. I want to say it wasn't as obvious as MIT, so I'm going to disagree.

Disagree. All right. Good choice. The answer is UCLA. UCLA and Stanford were the first connected computer system.

All right. It would have been closer.

UC Berkeley. All right. Weston, the board is yours. A few minutes left. Where would you like to go?

It's going to have to be Stephen Pack to play some defense.

Stephen, you're just the most popular square in this game. I like checked out 20 minutes ago.

Has the game started yet? All right. I'm back. Where do you go for me?

All right. Your question is P2P stands for what? P2P. I give you a broad runway here.

Yeah. Person to person. Private to public. Some sort of protocol, right?

Packet to packet stands for P2P. Packet to packet. Do you agree or disagree, Weston?

I'm going to disagree because I'm pretty sure it's point to point.

All right. Well, the one I was going for was peer to peer. Peer to peer. You still got it right.

You still disagreed with him and he was wrong. So you get the block.

All right. So the block goes up. And let me show off the board for Jen to pick.

All right.

Where would you like to play, my dear?

Let's go to Carl. Carl. All right. Your question.

Let me find it. In 1993, the first web browser to display pictures was named this.

So I think when I think of pictures, I think of pixels.

And I'm pretty sure it was Mosaic.

I'm going to go with that. Mosaic, the first web browser to display pictures.

Do you agree or disagree? I noticed a pattern. It's safe to disagree with everyone.

So I think I'm going to disagree. All right. Well, that was actually the incorrect choice.

It was Mosaic. There are no patterns. This is weird.

We don't have that kind of production value for patterns. All right. So Weston gets the square.

And Weston, you've got time for one more. Who would you like to pick?

So I'm going to go with Raymond.

Raymond. All right. Last question. Oh, and you got a misspelling on this board.

But your last question. I'll actually go for an easy one.

Links is a text-only version of what? Well, given that the theme for today has been all the chat going on.

So that's what it is.

It is for a chat protocol. All right. Links is a text-only chat protocol. Do you agree or disagree?

I'm going to disagree.

I feel like that's the safe bet. Correct choice. Links is a text-only web browser.

Text-only web browser. That sounds so boring. No pictures.

It's for the old school RPGs.

And with that, we're near the end of the game. I want to thank everyone that watched online.

Thank everyone that attended as a square.

Thank you for attending and watching. And enjoy the rest of Cloudflare TV.

Thanks for organizing, Dan.